


Last Goodbye

by DreamsOfSleep



Series: Breathing Room AU [2]
Category: New Girl
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Last Time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 01:09:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11452851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamsOfSleep/pseuds/DreamsOfSleep
Summary: Alternate Ending to "Breathing Room": Nick and Jess choose to spend one last night together instead of going to celebrate at the bar.





	Last Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [allison](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allison/gifts).



> For Allison, who wanted an angsty last time between Nick and Jess in Vegas.
> 
> The title of this fic comes from the song [“Last Goodbye”](https://youtu.be/BtS0rwQK_pI) by Jeff Buckley. The lyrics fit the Nick and Jess breakup perfectly.
> 
> In keeping with the title theme, I tried to name every chapter after a song. The first chapter is named after ["The Way You Look Tonight,"](https://youtu.be/dIW_Ah0wg-w?t=1m) which was originally performed by Fred Astaire for Ginger Rogers in the 1936 film "Swing Time." I really like the idea of Nick as an old-fashioned romantic hero placed into a modern context so I think that song really fits him here.

It’s six in the morning and he’s taking her to The Chandelier Lounge to celebrate his victory. On the way there, they walk past the iconic Bellagio Fountains and they stop for a while to admire the view. The waters are still since the last show ended at midnight, but the underwater lights continue to emit a warm glow and the view is still pretty spectacular with everything backlit by the hotel. Right now there are no crowds to spoil it and it seems like such a shame to come all this way and not even be able to see the world-renowned water show live in person so he tells Jess to wait outside and he goes into the hotel to bribe somebody to turn on the fountains for a special impromptu show just for them. One more good memory for her to keep before this is all over. 

\---

She’s watching the dancing streams of water but he’s watching her. She’s leaning over the railing, her eyes bright with the early morning light ghosting across her pale skin and catching the highlights in her raven hair, and the sight of her is so insanely gorgeous all lit up by the lights that he doesn’t even care that he’s missing the show. He just wants to keep looking at her. Out of everything that has happened tonight, this is what he wants to remember most, that innocent look of pure joy upon her face and being the one who got to put it there.

He’s trying not to, but he can't help thinking about kissing her again. He had an opportunity to kiss her in front of the casino but he hadn't taken it and he wonders now if that’s something he’s always going to end up regretting about tonight. He had wanted to and he knows she had wanted him to, but it had felt wrong then so he didn’t. But standing here now in front of the breathtaking view with the music starting to swell in the background it starts to feel like a movie again, like one of those big, romantic Hollywood scenes where the guy dips the girl and kisses her senseless to show her how much she means to him. It's the kind of emotion that can only be expressed by an awe-inspiring kiss because words would always fail to capture the kind of formidable, earth-shattering passion that exists between two people who are meant to be together in every universe.

He smiles ruefully to himself at the idea of him and Jess being star-crossed lovers. Maybe the truest love stories always wind up becoming tragedies in the end.

\---

She's watching the beautiful choreography of the dancing fountains but she's just thinking about him. He's watching her so she puts on the big smile for him because she knows how important it is to him for her to be happy tonight. Right now in this private slice of time, away from all those very real and very valid adult concerns in their normal lives, she is happy. She knows it will be short-lived but she tries to ignore the lingering sorrow within herself. She knows he's just trying to give her one more glorious, unforgettable night together before they have to part ways back into their separate lives. It makes her sad that she can't give him anything to keep in return. He's trying to shower her with all these gifts and she wished one of the last things she ever had to say to him in their relationship wasn't about a damn lake house. That will probably end up being a metaphor for everything wrong in their entire relationship, all the reasons that led them to this breaking point, him not being able to get that future for her, and he'll never know that he doesn't need to do any of these things to prove his love for her. She knows he loves her, but she has to remind herself that he can't even say that he sees a future with her so maybe the 'why' doesn't matter, the only thing that exists is that he can't. You can’t talk someone into wanting a future with you, negotiate or bargain or beg for it, the desire has to be something innate.

She wished he had kissed her in front of the casino though. She had wanted him to, even though they both knew that it would have been a terrible idea. It had been a bad idea the first time too. Flirting as friends was one thing, dressing any latent feelings they had for each other in the language of not-so-innocent innuendo and hiding them in late night fantasies that neither of them would ever admit to, but crossing that line into serious romantic intentions and revealing those feelings to the whole world was entirely another thing. It had been a terrifying, life-altering decision to make and Nick was the one that had made it. She had to pretend that she had been mad about that because she had been with Sam then and it had clearly been _wrong_ because she was Sam's girlfriend, but she had always secretly been glad he had done it. He had always been _Nick_ , a beautiful disaster of a human being thrown into her life by circumstance, but the more she got to know him, the more the “Nick” part started to trump all the other things that she thought she had wanted in a man. 

She had wanted to know what it was like to be his, to know what his lips felt like pressed to hers, to feel the heat from his body wrapped around her, the pulse of his heart close to hers, wanting her. True American had just been an easy ruse to use to dip her toe into the pool of possibility, to keep the safety of the status quo while delving into that dangerous, intoxicating yearning for him that was so much larger than her. She could hide behind the camouflage of 'just friends' and lie to herself but Nick couldn't. He couldn't lie to her and he couldn't lie to himself about what they were doing together by crossing that boundary. Just like her, he had been caught between the right and the wrong, seeing how clearly the lines were drawn that meant they couldn't do what felt so natural but wanting it still, feeling his heart caught in her grasp watching her walk away from him to become someone else's. But unlike her, he had been brave. Even with their entire lives in the way and not being able to find the words to tell her how he felt, he had still put his entire self into showing her just the same. _"I meant something like that,"_ he had said to her afterwards and it had meant everything. 

She thinks how funny it is that doing the “right” thing often feels worse than doing the “wrong” thing. Nick had done the right thing by not kissing her tonight since they were almost not-a-couple, but it had felt awful, like a punch to the gut, because she still wants him even now, even when she knows they are wrong for each other. She doesn’t know if they can go back to just being friends after. It’s what she had always been afraid of ever since she first realized that she had feelings for him, that dangerous feeling of wanting to be more than ‘just friends’ but not being able to undo all the pain and heartbreak and go back to the way they were, they way they had always been, if it all turned out to be a mistake. It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing that they had always been this doomed. She can’t imagine never having loved him, can't imagine never being loved by him, but she has to accept the fact that having that love, however briefly, meant they would always end up losing each other. Some things just aren’t meant to last.

\---

The show is almost over and Jess gives him a quick smile and reaches out to squeeze his hand when she catches him looking at her. She steps back from the railing and starts walking away from him to continue their journey down the street. 

He’s watching her walk away from him and he can feel the moment quickly passing, the door closing on probably the last chance he’ll ever get to kiss her, and he feels Vegas Nick take over. He catches her arm to pull her back towards him. He overestimates the physics of the motion so she ends up slightly bent over lying in his arms. He hears her sharp intake of breath, the little gasp of shock she makes when he catches her off guard. She's surprised but not in a bad way. He pauses for a split second as his conscious mind catches up to his subconscious impulses. He knows how easily this could all go wrong, but he's looking into her face and her eyes are so damn blue that he forgets about everything else. It pushes all the bad consequences from his head. He doesn’t think about it. He just presses his mouth to hers to kiss her the way she always deserves to be kissed. Without hesitation, her mouth opens up under his inviting him in. She throws her arms around his neck and kisses him back. 

It feels like a fairytale moment. They end up kissing for what feels like an eternity. It feels warm and intimate even though they are still standing on the street in full view of every passerby, in full view of the whole damn world. He thought it would feel different but it feels the same. It feels like being in love. He doesn’t know if that makes him happy or sad. He just tries to live in the moment.

When the kiss ends, their faces remain close together. Her eyes are still that mesmerizing blue. 

“I’m sorry, Jess,” he says sheepishly to her. “I couldn’t help it.”

He knows he shouldn’t be kissing her like that since they are still breaking up, but his hands are still on her, pressing her body into his, tangled in her hair, and he can’t bring himself to step away from her.

He thought there might be regret on her face afterwards, sadness perhaps, but she actually just looks happy and that might hurt even more. She’s still happy to be kissed by him but they’re still breaking up. His mind has to wrestle with the fact that both of those things can be true at the same time.

\---

He must have seen in her face that he had hurt her by choosing not to kiss her before and Nick Miller would never not kiss her when he knew she wanted him to kiss her so he had waited until the perfect moment to give her their last kiss together. He had pulled her to him and dipped her to kiss her like the dashing hero in a romance novel. He gives her what she has come to refer to as the Nick Miller KissTM, kissing her the way only he can, giving her one of those perfect kisses that you think you can only read about in books or see in the movies, the kind of kiss that make the women in them get goosebumps all over and go weak in the knees. 

Nick has a whole range of kisses for her and she has loved learning them all in the year that they have spent together. _The soft butterfly kisses he whispers down upon her bare shoulders in the morning when he thinks she's still sleeping. The quick pecks when he leaves for work to let her know he'll be thinking about her even when he's gone. The longer, lingering ones when he wants her to wait up for him. The messy, angry ones when they're pissing each other off and he's trying to win an argument. The hungry ones when their roommates have been frustratingly in the way for far too long and he's been missing having his hands on her._ She loves the gentle kisses he presses to her, the everyday ones that mean he's happy that she's his girl and that he's grateful that she's in his life, but when he devotes his full, singular attention to kissing her, those kisses are on a whole other level. And as much as he has kissed her, the intensity in the way he kisses her can still take her by surprise every single time. 

She melts into his arms, so thoroughly kissed by him just like that first time.

\---

When the kiss is over, she remains lying in his arms looking up at him. He’s still holding her close to him, his arms around her, holding him to her, strong and true. 

She still feels that desire for him rushing through her. She knows what she wants, although she’s shy about asking for it. But if he can be brave, she can be too.

She pulls his head down so she can whisper in his ear. “Do you want to get a room, Nick?”

She pulls back again so she can see his face. She bites at her lip, unsure of his reaction, suddenly shy again about being that forward.

He feels his heart rate speed up. _God, yes. Of course he wants that._ He had thought that even sharing a kiss with her would be pushing their fragile bond to its breaking point, but here she is offering him the keys to Paradise one last time. He didn't even dare to imagine that he would ever be allowed to touch her that way again, but he knows he didn’t just dream up the fact that those words had just left her lips. She's looking up at him with her big blue bedroom eyes and waiting for him to make this decision for the both of them. _Hoping for him._ Wanting him still in the last few hours they have together. The beautiful, astonishing Jessica Day leaving him speechless all over again. 

This has Bad Idea written all over it, but they are in Vegas so maybe they can choose to be a little less than good, just this once. 

He swallows hard. “Are you sure, Jess?” He has to ask her again, has to give her an ‘out,’ the ability to change her mind in case she just got caught up in the moment.

She pulls his head back down to kiss her again. “I want to,” she says firmly. 

She is a woman fully in charge of herself, someone who knows exactly what she wants, and that turns him on even more. She’s never looked more ravishing to him than in this moment.

They might be broken up tomorrow but they're still together tonight and she's giving him The Look. She's the one that's asking him for this, wanting to share this one last experience together with him. And if that's what she wants on their last day together, then that's what he's going to give her. 

He can't fight Fate. Everything that was ever going to happen was already written into the stars. But he can hold her hand beneath the tyranny of the limitless sky and together they can watch the entire universe passing over them. They'll watch as all the stars above them are snuffed out of existence, entire multitudes being created and destroyed, until the universe they currently live in blinks out and they no longer exist on the same plane.

He shoves all the bad feelings down and lets himself fall into the depths of the great unknown. They’re in Vegas together and they’re still a couple and he says yes to her with his entire being. 


End file.
